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The Funniest Joke At Edingburgh Fring Festival...!!!
Kallisti, Damn'd Sod..!!! Mon Aug 23, 2010 3:08 pm
Comedian Tim Vine has won a prize for the funniest joke of this year's Edinburgh Fringe.
The pun pundit, who won the Perrier newcomer award in 1995, was presented with his latest prize by digital TV channel Dave.
His winning one-liner was: "I've just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I'll tell you what, never again."
The award was judged by eight comedy critics, whose shortlist of 24 jokes went forward to a public vote.
Funnyman: Tim Vine (David Vines Brother-A Bit Of A Political Heavyweight)
has been awarded with the 'best joke' prize of the Edinburgh Fringe festival
The top 10 festival funnies were judged to be:
1) Tim Vine "I've just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday.
I'll tell you what, never again."
2) David Gibson "I'm currently dating a couple of anorexics.
Two birds, one stone."
3) Emo Philips "I picked up a hitch hiker.
You've got to when you hit them."
4) Jack Whitehall "I bought one of those anti-bullying wristbands when they first came out.
I say 'bought', I actually stole it off a short, fat ginger kid."
5) Gary Delaney "As a kid I was made to walk the plank.
We couldn't afford a dog."
6) John Bishop "Being an England supporter is like being the over-optimistic parents of the fat kid on sports day."
7) Bo Burnham "What do you call a kid with no arms and an eyepatch? Names."
Gary Delaney "Dave drowned.
So at the funeral we got him a wreath in the shape of a lifebelt.
Well, it's what he would have wanted."
9) Robert White "For Vanessa Feltz, life is like a box of chocolates: Empty."
10) Gareth Richards "Wooden spoons are great.
You can either use them to prepare food.
Or, if you can't be bothered with that, just write a number on one and walk into a pub…"
http://www.mirror.co.uk/celebs/news/2010/08/23/tim-vine-one-liner-voted-the-funniest-at-the-edinburgh-festival-fringe-115875-22507741/
Well, I Suppose This Takes Comedy Back To The Bob Monkhouse School...
But I Did See Tim Vine On The Telly The Other Night,
And Some Of It Was Very Funny. In A Cringeworthy Type Of Way...
The pun pundit, who won the Perrier newcomer award in 1995, was presented with his latest prize by digital TV channel Dave.
His winning one-liner was: "I've just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I'll tell you what, never again."
The award was judged by eight comedy critics, whose shortlist of 24 jokes went forward to a public vote.
Funnyman: Tim Vine (David Vines Brother-A Bit Of A Political Heavyweight)
has been awarded with the 'best joke' prize of the Edinburgh Fringe festival
The top 10 festival funnies were judged to be:
1) Tim Vine "I've just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday.
I'll tell you what, never again."
2) David Gibson "I'm currently dating a couple of anorexics.
Two birds, one stone."
3) Emo Philips "I picked up a hitch hiker.
You've got to when you hit them."
4) Jack Whitehall "I bought one of those anti-bullying wristbands when they first came out.
I say 'bought', I actually stole it off a short, fat ginger kid."
5) Gary Delaney "As a kid I was made to walk the plank.
We couldn't afford a dog."
6) John Bishop "Being an England supporter is like being the over-optimistic parents of the fat kid on sports day."
7) Bo Burnham "What do you call a kid with no arms and an eyepatch? Names."
Gary Delaney "Dave drowned.So at the funeral we got him a wreath in the shape of a lifebelt.
Well, it's what he would have wanted."
9) Robert White "For Vanessa Feltz, life is like a box of chocolates: Empty."
10) Gareth Richards "Wooden spoons are great.
You can either use them to prepare food.
Or, if you can't be bothered with that, just write a number on one and walk into a pub…"
http://www.mirror.co.uk/celebs/news/2010/08/23/tim-vine-one-liner-voted-the-funniest-at-the-edinburgh-festival-fringe-115875-22507741/
Well, I Suppose This Takes Comedy Back To The Bob Monkhouse School...
But I Did See Tim Vine On The Telly The Other Night,
And Some Of It Was Very Funny. In A Cringeworthy Type Of Way...
Kallisti, Damn'd Sod..!!!- Posts : 666
Join date : 2010-01-31
Location : Knutsford, Service Station...!!!
Re: The Funniest Joke At Edingburgh Fring Festival...!!!
Kallisti, Damn'd Sod..!!! Wed Aug 25, 2010 4:24 pm
He Reminds Me A Bit Of Tommy Cooper...
Went to the paper shop - it had blown away.
I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.
I bought some HP sauce the other day. It's costing me 6p a month for the next 2 years.
Last night I dreamed I ate a ten-pound marshmallow, and when I woke up the pillow was gone.
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
A woman told her doctor, 'I've got a bad back. 'The doctor said, 'It's old age.' The woman said, 'I want a second opinion. 'The doctor says, 'OK. you're ugly as well.'
A man walked into the doctor's, The doctor said 'I haven't seen you in a long time'
The man replied, 'I know I've been ill'.
A man walked into the doctor's, he said 'I've hurt my arm in several places'.
The doctor said 'well don't go there any more'.
I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already.
Slept like a log last night ........ woke up in the fireplace.
Went to the corner shop - bought 4 corners.
I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'have you got anything for wind?'
So he gave me a kite.
I went to the Doctors the other day, and he said, 'Go to Bournemouth, it's great for 'flu.
So I went, and I got it.'
I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.
Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.
This Is Tommy Coopers Final Appearence...
(The One Where He Died...)
Odd Way To Go...
But I Suppose It's What He Would Have Wanted...
If He Hadn't Have Wanted Someone To Stop Laughing In The Crowd,
Long Enough To Get Up On Stage,
And Give Him A Bit Of CPR To Save His Life...
This Is How That Sketch Should Have Gone...
Went to the paper shop - it had blown away.
I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.
I bought some HP sauce the other day. It's costing me 6p a month for the next 2 years.
Last night I dreamed I ate a ten-pound marshmallow, and when I woke up the pillow was gone.
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
A woman told her doctor, 'I've got a bad back. 'The doctor said, 'It's old age.' The woman said, 'I want a second opinion. 'The doctor says, 'OK. you're ugly as well.'
A man walked into the doctor's, The doctor said 'I haven't seen you in a long time'
The man replied, 'I know I've been ill'.
A man walked into the doctor's, he said 'I've hurt my arm in several places'.
The doctor said 'well don't go there any more'.
I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already.
Slept like a log last night ........ woke up in the fireplace.
Went to the corner shop - bought 4 corners.
I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'have you got anything for wind?'
So he gave me a kite.
I went to the Doctors the other day, and he said, 'Go to Bournemouth, it's great for 'flu.
So I went, and I got it.'
I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.
Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.
This Is Tommy Coopers Final Appearence...
(The One Where He Died...)
Odd Way To Go...
But I Suppose It's What He Would Have Wanted...
If He Hadn't Have Wanted Someone To Stop Laughing In The Crowd,
Long Enough To Get Up On Stage,
And Give Him A Bit Of CPR To Save His Life...
This Is How That Sketch Should Have Gone...
Tommy Cooper said...
'Always leave them laughing'.
Kallisti, Damn'd Sod..!!!- Posts : 666
Join date : 2010-01-31
Location : Knutsford, Service Station...!!!
Re: The Funniest Joke At Edingburgh Fring Festival...!!!
Ciggy Wed Aug 25, 2010 8:39 pm
Grinsome. Not the full smirk monty, but "a" for effort innit. 
Ciggy- Posts : 2696
Join date : 2009-01-27
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