Ask Auntie Chainsaw, The Agony Aunt who can teach you the meaning of pain.

Bring me your questions, no matter how awkward, and I will make you wish you'd never thought of them.

daisy chainsaw wrote:Bring me your questions, no matter how awkward, and I will make you wish you'd never thought of them.

Dear Auntie Chainsaw, someone once said that I should learn to control all my demons.

I was the last one to hear about it, of course.

They told all my neighbours, and they said I was paranoid, so I'd have to agree unless they really existed.

So my question is this, what if some of my demons are so unthinkably unthinkable that I haven't even thought of them yet?

How can I stop those kinds of demons creeping up in me by suprise?

daisy chainsaw wrote:

daisy chainsaw wrote:Bring me your questions, no matter how awkward, and I will make you wish you'd never thought of them.

Dear Auntie Chainsaw, someone once said that I should learn to control all my demons.

I was the last one to hear about it, of course.

They told all my neighbours, and they said I was paranoid, so I'd have to agree unless they really existed.

So my question is this, what if some of my demons are so unthinkably unthinkable that I haven't even thought of them yet?

How can I stop those kinds of demons creeping up in me by suprise?

Dear Daisy Chainsaw,

That's quite a kettle of self referential conundrums you have there.

When I said I can teach you the meaning of pain, I meant it as a threat, not a promise of enlightenment.

You created me as a controlled threat to your firewall of socialy accepted behaviours and viewpoints when it became apparent that such socialy accepted behaviours and viewpoints do not make the world go round.

They make it go flat, and yet your vantage point still cannot see beyond the horizon.

When you want to measure something that's round, you can start anywhere, but then you have to keep going.

Jog on yer gate now, kelterin' huir.

Ciggy wrote:Jog on yer gate now, kelterin' huir.

Questions of posture and movement therapy can be reffered to my new book;

The Tai Chi Chainsaw form.

Dear Daisy Chainsaw.

Sean has asked me if we can use a condom. Should I, or shall I keep riding him bareback?

Hagbard Celine wrote:Dear Daisy Chainsaw.

Sean has asked me if we can use a condom. Should I, or shall I keep riding him bareback?

Dear Hagbard Celine

After many hopeful experiments with condoms 'for sensitivity' I concluded they don't make people more sensitive.

In fact, the refusals to let me climb the pyramid in the mental health industry have been even more hurtful when mixed with rejection.

The best condom for insensitivity is a steel toecapped boot. Try putting it on your foot for best results.

If that doesn't lubricate the flow of contact across layers of the Ickestag pyramid, try using your tounge like everyone else, and the chain of command will be putting you in charge of David in no time.

Hagbard Celine wrote:
Sean has asked me if we can use a condom. Should I, or shall I keep riding him bareback?

Condoms are for pussies, be a man, do it oldskool.




Don't get too frisky with Daisy randy hands, remember the last time!.



Keep it simple bruv.

Seems Like A Good Sport, Does Haggie...!!!

Damn'sod..!!! wrote:

Seems Like A Good Sport, Does Haggie...!!!

Yeah, he is a cuddly, campish, NHS version of Alex Jones with more advanced hair loss. I like handbag, he is a nice enough barking odd chap. Peace and love bruv.



Random epic tune is unconnected.

He Was Very Good In The Reggae/Ska Band Bad Manners....



(I Hope He Has Got A Sense Of Humour...???)

Daisy Chainsaw...

I Have Got An Horrific Tooth-Ache At The Moment,
It Got So Bad With Sleepless Nights,
That I Went To The Dentist Today...

He Drilled It Out And Temporary Filled It In...!!!

I Now Look Like A Gerbil,

With A Bad Tooth-Ache Still...

What Do You Suggest...

(I Have Tried Witch-Hazel)...???

Way back when before Ben went on the pie and chips diet...

Telly Savalas Got There Way Before That...



A Shaved Head Is Not So Unusual No More...!!!
Although Rasor Sharp Creases Down The Trousers Are...???

I Love Those Speaking Songs Of Yore...



For The Kitch And The Puffing On Fags Value...

Damn'sod..!!! wrote:
[b][size=18]A Shaved Head Is Not So Unusual No More...!!!

It is out of vogue now sod, too many pc negative connotations.

Sorry old chum

Damn'sod..!!! wrote:Daisy Chainsaw...

I Have Got An Horrific Tooth-Ache At The Moment,
It Got So Bad With Sleepless Nights,
That I Went To The Dentist Today...

He Drilled It Out And Temporary Filled It In...!!!

I Now Look Like A Gerbil,

With A Bad Tooth-Ache Still...

What Do You Suggest...

(I Have Tried Witch-Hazel)...???

One of the worst things about taking on human form is having to make do with just one row of teeth. It's really quite humiliating, so it's no wonder that so many sentient beings take on human form and then try to compensate by stockpiling weapons of mass destruction.

Understandable as this may be, we should remember that as humans we are united in the humility of being dentaly retarded.

Even when the well being of one of the few teeth that we have is threatened, it is still not the way.

Stockpiling WMDs will subtly change the behaviour of people around you, and can make them encourage you to eat comfort foods.

We know what that can lead to, don't we?

Try massaging the bit where the thumb joins with the rest of your hand. There's an accupressure point there which corresponds to the trigeminal nerve.

If you're in to much pain to concentrate on it, then get someone to do it for you.

It's This Bit, Isn't It...



Well I Have Tried That,
But I Ended Up At The Hospital Today,
Because One Side Of My Face Had Swelled So Much...

They Put Me On A Week Long Course Of Antibiotics,
As Well As A Load Of Painkillers...

The Swelling Is Still There But The Pain Has Gone...

I Now Look A Bit Like This...